I just reread the first monsters entry and it seems so cold. It is true that those numbers stress me out, but it is the underlying emotions that are the true monsters. It is not so much the logistics of daycare, the numbers on the scale, or the negative balance in my bank account, but the fear that I am not a good mother, that my children will be traumatized and ruined, that I have no self control, that I am weak, that my life and its attendant bills are beyond my control, that all things are chaos spinning just beyond my grasp, and that my husband and children, too, are out there, uncontrollable, not submissive to lists, rules, or the world as I seek to draw it - these are the things that keep me up at night.
Which is scarier - that these fears are true, or the fact that my mind is comprised of these fears?
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