Benjamin Button

There are not enough photos in the world. Video will never be real enough. But there is the smell of your sweaty hair on a summer night. Your little knuckles squeezed into my fist. Your backwards hugs as I read you to sleep. Your surprise at waking up. Your hiccough-laugh as your daddy catches a firefly. Your turn to play pet shop, pretend there's a baby in your belly, throw blueberries across the room, pull the cat's tail, splash in your tiny blow-up pool naked, try to put a marble up your butt, announce with a stick and a golf ball that you are going to teach your doll how to play baseball, jump in the tub until the floor (and me) are soaked, eat your boogies, go nuts for ice cream, build a tunnel for your trains, say "guess what, I'm gonna be a big brodder" in that sing-song voice, learn all the words to Aiken Drum, Where the Wild Things Are, eat charcoal because you think it's chocolate, and be afraid of worms in your shoe. Nothing could be better. 

Rainbow

1) The rainbow the other night at Rachel Barr's graduation party. OMG I have never seen one so complete and bright and beautiful. Obviously a sign of good things to come for the bright, beautiful Rachel.

2) The skittles I want to keep eating and the roaches in my cabinets and my stomach that keeps making me want to throw right up. Hooray for pregnancy

3) The calm I feel (I know this isn't a direct rainbow relationship, but is associated with the calm and optimism I felt at the sight of #1) even though my work world is topsy turvy right now. I know nothing's written in stone and that I made it all worse by getting pregnant, but somehow I feel like there might be a change (for the first time in my life) of actual work actually working out and me actually being able to feed my family and not have to cry every night because i can't get a decent paycheck. do you think? could it happen? probably not.

4) screw rainbows!