Sign Language

A letter from Dylan, as translated by Mommy
Re: It's so hard to be a baby!

Can you imagine what it's like? All I want is to get some food in my belly, and Mom keeps putting me down for a nap. I scream and scream, but she just tells Dad that I'm fussy. Finally, she gets the picture and plucks me from jail (aka crib). I am so releived I slap her back and she thinks I'm hugging her. Aw! Give Mommy a kiss, she orderes and I bite her cheek. She screams and I laugh. Aw, she tells Dad, he's trying to kiss me, but his little teeth keep getting in the way. She sit me in my high chair and cuts up some cucumbers. I don't want that crap. I want the baby crack, street name, Yo Baby. I'm a sucker for apple. Whole milk is da bomb, yo!

Finally, my poor little tummy stops rumbling and I can concentrate on the important part of life - finding things to put in my mouth. Of course, Mom won't let me get anything good. I pull an empty milk container out of the recycling and put it to my lips - yucky! I get a hold of Marley's toy gun and have just finagled this tiny little plastic piece off, get it on my tounge and - you'll choke! Then I see the true prize of the day - a dead cockroach in the corner. The thing is dessicated. It's mummified. It's spider food. It looks delicious! But oh, no! She nearly faints. It's about as bad as the time I found some choice ice at the park. It smelled just like doggy pee pee and I have always been so curious what that would taste like. Of course, there's no way she'd let me find out. She practically made me throw up sticking her fingers in my mouth to get it all out - so I had to bite her!

Ha Ha Ha - just let her try to potty train me!!!